This actually encompasses chapters five and six in edition two of “Reawakened Flames.” I originally had both Aria’s and Landa’s perspectives all in one chapter separated by a space break and a location heading. When the book was rewritten, it made more sense to break these into different chapters.
Reminder: My notes will be in italicized red font, and the text from E1 will be in black. E1 refers to edition one, and E2 refers to edition two.
5
Toranon
The next day is fairly quiet for Aria. She has a rare day off and spends most of her time hiding in the library. Jayce is taking over the duties of one of the other royal guards who is sick; otherwise, she would have spent some time with him.
[removed a couple of paragraphs]
She wanders the rows of dark wood shelves, reading whatever catches her eye. The castle’s library boasts hundreds of volumes on all manner of subjects. This includes medical knowledge. Aria found herself, at one-point, leafing through them to look up what ailments could be the cause of her various anxiety symptoms.
She quickly realized that reading too much into types of sicknesses of the body does more harm than good. It is too easy to assume just one symptom might be the sign of a terrible condition she only recently read about. She quit looking in them and now stays away from those tomes.
Just as an aside, I couldn’t help putting the last two paragraphs in the story. When you have health anxiety, you tend to start self-diagnosing yourself based on stuff you read on Google without actually understanding anything. I wanted to include “Dr. Google” in here, just in a medieval way.
Aria still regrets learning about too many sicknesses that she would have been content to stay in blissful ignorance of. Her anxiety likes to bring them up now and again even when she is physically feeling fine. The possibility of something suddenly going wrong is extremely distressing. Aria wishes she could just forget everything she read about and no longer have to think about the unwanted knowledge.
The library is also quiet and peaceful with not many people present at a time. The room is well lit with tall windows and plenty of lighting from candelabras and candle chandeliers.
Aria worries that wax could drip down onto her from above even though the chandeliers are designed to catch excess wax and are well maintained. She now gives them suspicious looks when she walks underneath them though. The princess is not keen to suffer a burn or lose an eye if a drop makes a direct hit.
I used to be able to walk in here without even thinking about that possibility.
While this was an interesting idea, I ultimately took it out because it just didn’t feel right.
[removed the fantasy books paragraph]
This may be her safe haven; however, the princess fails to see the unfriendly eyes watching her from a corner of the room. A member of the castle staff observes as Aria sits reading. By the time the princess glances up, he is gone.
In the rewriting process of trying to not head hop and keep one point of view per chapter, this paragraph had to switch to Aria’s perspective. There are lines throughout E1 from other characters’ perspectives that had to be cut or modified.
Echrist
Two Weeks Later
Landaro wakes Landa up early from her twig and moss lined nest.
“I have an important mission for you,” he informs her. “Some of the neighboring kingdoms to Toranon have been engaged in strange activities lately. The scouts I sent out reported that they look like they are gathering their armies for war. Drangon, Hanarthar, and Rochellor have set up blockades on their western borders, cutting off Toranon from their allies along the coast. However, we still aren’t entirely sure if Toranon is involved or not since they aren’t gathering their own army and don’t seem to notice the other troops rallying. The scouts couldn’t fly close for fear of being seen and shot down as potential threats. Paying the rulers a visit may be unwise at this point. That’s why I need you to try. You’re my best flier. You can get in and out without being detected.”
When I read this back, I realized that if blockades are set up, someone is going to notice. I made the armies be more discreet in E2. And I changed the whole thing about kingdoms being allies. I didn’t even know how many kingdoms I wanted at this point or what their histories would kind of be like. When you are creating a world, it helps to take your time and really think about how you want it to be before you put the first book out.
Landa is both flattered and terrified at the same time. “Father, surely one of the others will be a better choice. I fear I will mess up or get killed.”
“You won’t. I know you won’t. I can’t even think of the possibility of losing you.” Landaro has to look away and gather himself before speaking again, “I would give anything to not have to send my only daughter on such a dangerous mission. Nevertheless, you are the one who is the most capable of getting the job done. I trust you to carry out this mission successfully.”
Landa takes a deep breath to calm her nerves. Her father needs her to do this, and she can’t let him down. She has to prove to herself that she can undertake such an important task.
“Alright. I promise I won’t let you down. When do you want me to leave?”
Landaro nods to her with pride in his eyes. “As soon as you can. Speed may be of the essence.”
Landa climbs out of her nest and starts to move off. “I’ll leave immediately.”
“Landa, hold on a moment.”
“Yes, Father?” Landa queries as she glances back.
“I just want you to know that you don’t need to prove anything to me. The failure or success of this mission will not change my opinion of you. You are my daughter. I can never think of you as anything less.”
“Thank you,” she replies in a tight voice. If she could cry, she might have let out a few tears of happiness. Some shame still swirls inside of her. “But my fire. I just wish I had my fire back.”
I put a lot more show rather than tell in E2 with emotions and reactions. By that time, I had The Emotion Thesaurus, which is extremely helpful—even with finding responses that work for animal characters. I had already been unsuccessfully trying to search online for body language for certain emotions. Once I found that book, it was a game changer for me.
[removed a section of Landa and Landaro talking and Landa leaving]
“May the wind carry you swiftly!” Landaro calls to her as she leaves.
Yana then prays more softly, “And bring you safely back home to us.”
Once again with the head hopping. Because this was from Landa’s perspective, she would probably have heard her father but not her mother.
Copyright © 2018 Lindsay McCafferty