This encompasses chapter seven and the first half of chapter eight in edition two of “Reawakened Flames.”
Reminder: My notes will be in italicized red font, and the text from E1 will be in black. E1 refers to edition one, and E2 refers to edition two.
6
Toranon
Five Days Later
Aria yawns as she makes her way to her bedroom. Today had been a long day of riding to several of the local villages to check on any issues or concerns they might have. King Garne likes to ensure the needs of his people are met. He may not be able to help everyone all the time, but he tries his best. This is just one of the many reasons the citizens of Toranon admire him and would also be something expected of Aria.
How will I take care of my people when I feel like I can barely take care of myself? the princess muses miserably.
“Aria,” her father calls her.
The princess schools her features and faces her father with a tired but calm expression on her face.
Although Garne may be aging, and his dark hair and short beard are half gray, the king still has plenty of strength and life left in him.
“I just wanted to say that you did a marvelous job today.”
“Thank you, Dad.” Aria blushes slightly at the praise. It’s not that her father never said anything like that. She just doesn’t always think she deserves it.
I took away some of the more self-deprecating lines because they just didn’t feel right.
“I know you’re tired, but there’s something else I wanted to ask you quickly.”
Garne looks a bit nervous. Aria hardly knows her father to be nervous. He is the epitome of calmness.
[removed Aria and Garne talking]
As Garne walks away, he starts such a horrible sounding, heaving cough that even passing royal guards and staff members eye him with concern. He recovers enough to catch his breath.
“Are you alright?” Aria asks him, concerned.
“I am. Probably just coming down with a cold. A little rest will do me good.”
As Garne walks away, Aria has flashbacks to when her mother was sick. Amelia had coughed like that until blood came up within hours. A cough isn’t always something to worry about, but she can’t help it. She decides to keep a close eye on her father and hope it turns out to be nothing.
If something happens to her father, she will immediately assume rule over the kingdom. This is a responsibility she is hardly ready to accept yet. She can never come to terms with her issues and shoulder the problems of Toranon and its people at the same time.
The princess falls into an uneasy sleep when she lies down in bed.
I left in a few of the parts that were different in this edition.
Near the Eastern Border of Rochellor
Landa can now confirm that what her father’s scouts found is indeed true. She had investigated Drangon and Hanarthar over the past few days. The phoenix travels using the clouds to conceal herself by day and the cover of night once the sun drops down. She uses every technique she knows for a speedy and smooth, inconspicuous flight.
The armies of Drangon and Hanarthar marched toward Rochellor and look to be gathering there. Every road into the kingdoms is blocked in some manner with units of troops standing guard. No one is passing through unnoticed or without a fight.
This is where I changed the story from roads being blockaded to just increased patrols in E2.
A long time ago, rival groups of humans taking territory for themselves and their people created the kingdoms. Eventually, the warring groups built more civilized lives and negotiated peace with each other. They turned more toward politics than bloodshed. Working together allowed the kingdoms to flourish.
[removed a section of the history]
Phoenixes were and still are instrumental in acting as diplomats between the leaders, sharing their wisdom and desire for peace. They helped shape the kingdoms that now stand today and are keen to keep it that way. Other phoenixes, especially Landaro, tried talking to Rodrick in the past, but he never listens to their council.
This is why Landaro is so worried about the preparations for war that Landa is witnessing. The kingdoms are always ready to defend their lands if required, but there has not been any pressing need in a long time. There hasn’t been any large-scale warfare for hundreds of years.
Here is a fun note: the history here was all made up on the spot as I was writing. I didn’t do any extensive worldbuilding, although sometimes this was a bad thing considering I was such a new writer.
Landa flies along the eastern border of Rochellor. She had flown by the castle in Toranon, but there was no strange activity there. She can’t assume that they are the targets without more information though. Their lack of concern and unawareness of the situation may be because they are involved or know what is going on. The phoenix needs more to go on before she makes the correct judgement call of whether to warn Toranon or the western kingdoms.
Landa glides as close as dares along the edge of the clouds, a thin, foggy layer in her vision. Patches of clear sky allow her to observe the activity below. This isn’t an easy feat to ride the winds without a clear view and not causing too much commotion. Anyone will notice if the clouds are being disturbed by a large flapping bird but not so much by one hardly creating a ripple.
She flies further into Rochellor until she notices signs that she’s nearing where the armies are meeting up. The phoenix spots a remote forest with high rocky hills, tall pines, and other assorted trees. She passes the area and backtracks. Landa dives downwards until she can safely land in the crown of a pine tree.
A quick survey around her reveals that she is alone. The sun has just past its peak and is now falling. Landa carefully works her way lower in the tree. She hunts and rests for a few hours. At nightfall, she moves in closer.
One big change that I made was how humans and animals measure time. The humans use the standard seconds, minutes, and hours. The animals don’t have the inventions that humans do, so they describe time, and even distance, in different ways. I always have to be aware of this, and it is something I check for when I edit.
[removed the scouting section]
As she observes the alarming scene before her, three knights walk past the tree line in front of her. Landa keeps still and listens carefully as they stop close to her tree. They appear to be from Rochellor.
“Does Rodrick honestly believe invading Toranon like this is going to work? He must know they’ll fight to the death to defend their country,” a female knight speculates in a low voice.
“You both know the rumor that he was responsible for Queen Amelia’s death over a year ago,” a male knight responds. “If it’s true, I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s got something arranged for King Garne and that girl of his as well. It’s a smart plan. Slowly take out the royal family, and you’ve left a kingdom leaderless and in chaos, prime for the taking.”
The other male knight listens on in silence.
“Do you know when we will be leaving?”
“Now that everyone has arrived, I heard we’ll be leaving in the morning and march straight to Toranon.”
Landa has heard enough.
She waits for the knights to leave and quietly retreats far enough to take flight unseen. The night will hide her as she hastily soars to Toranon to alert them. Landa hopes any nefarious plots against the royal family remain as rumors.
The scene with the knights was a result of not enough world building before publishing. I didn’t know what they would look like to identify them as ones from Roechellar and didn’t bother to figure it out. I’m sure there will always be more detail that I could have included in E2, but I have to be content that I put more effort in the second time to try to flesh the world out more.
Copyright © 2018 Lindsay McCafferty