This encompasses the second half of chapter eight in edition two of “Reawakened Flames.”
Reminder: My notes will be in italicized red font, and the text from E1 will be in black. E1 refers to edition one, and E2 refers to edition two.
7
Toranon
Aria isn’t asleep long before something abruptly wakes her up. She is unsure what exactly disturbed her. Aria had sworn she heard a strange noise. Plenty of people are out and about at night. One of them could easily have made a noise in the hall.
[removed a few paragraphs that were almost identical to E2]
Aria sighs in annoyance as she drags herself out of bed. She walks over and reaches to latch the halves of the window back together but stops when she realizes that something is not quite right. She stretches a hand outside to feel the strength of the wind. The breeze isn’t strong enough to push a poorly latched window open.
I found out after the fact that the halves of a window like hers are called sashes.
With a horrified thought, she looks down to determine if it is possible to climb up to her room. She hasn’t ever considered the possibility before, and in the dark, she can’t see clearly. Her window is two floors from the walkway below. A storage room is underneath her own room. The walkway is partially lit, and a lone knight walks past. Otherwise, the outside area is quiet.
Aria closes the window and turns to look around her room. The night is cloudy with not much moonlight. She might be paranoid about this, but she is fully aware of the risks of being the crown princess. Yes, Aria and her father are loved by the people, but that does not mean someone will not still try to hurt them. Someone from another kingdom could come after them as well.
I wasn’t sure what storyline I was trying to build most of the time. A lot of little things were modified or cut out of E1.
[removed the lines about Jayce]
Time to just get out of the room, she decides. I’ll get one of the royal guards on duty to check. They’ll understand.
Then you’ll have to be embarrassed when they find out nothing is wrong in the first place. They’ll wonder if you are hearing imaginary noises and losing your sanity.
Aria shakes her head and pushes the voices away. Her anxiety is heightened enough that it will never let her sleep without reassurance that she is not in any real danger.
Once again, the thoughts were changed to regular narrative rather than italics. It flowed and worked better.
[removed paragraphs about the walk to the door]
Right when she is about to reach for the door handle, she spots movement in her peripherals. Panic rises and Aria tries to scream out for help, but the intruders are too quick.
One of the men clamps a hand over her mouth and pins her arms behind her. He twists her right arm painfully enough to force her to release the knife, which the other man catches so the blade doesn’t clatter on the floor.
The staff member, who she recognizes as Karl, sets the knife down on the ground next to them. Aria valiantly struggles, but the other man holds his own knife against her throat. From her quick glances at the man restraining her, he looks like the royal guard Everett.
“Stop struggling or I’ll slice your throat,” he warns in a low voice.
Aria freezes and tries to consider her options. Anxiety threatens to spill over and hinder her ability to think. She can barely breath around the hand covering her mouth and half blocking her nose. Her quick panicked breaths make her lightheaded because of the lack of air. Aria never expected to be attacked by two people who worked so closely alongside her and her father.
The traitorous staff member pulls out a glass flask with some kind of liquid. Aria’s memory of what happens afterwards is fuzzy. They force her to swallow whatever is in the flask, and she falls asleep.
This is an alternate version of the final scene in E2. I had to sit and visualize the scene in my head to figure out what I liked better.
Copyright © 2018 Lindsay McCafferty