Reminder: My notes will be in italicized red font, and the text from E1 will be in black. E1 refers to edition one, and E2 refers to edition two.
4
Echrist
Far to the north and deep in the mountains, another troubled soul is perched on an overlook to a lush green valley below watching the sun rise. She is Landa, a phoenix. The fire bird is the daughter of Landaro, leader of the phoenixes, and Yana, his mate.
They all dwell in the great roost of the phoenixes, Echrist, which is impassable except by flying. Small caves were carved into the mountainside long ago. The first phoenixes took refuge in them from a storm and decided to call them home.
Phoenixes are proud and noble creatures. They regularly keep an eye on the kingdoms, only interfering when they suspect something unjust or nefarious is at work. Otherwise, they act as emissaries, working to keep peace between the rulers.
They are a little larger than eagles with scarlet red plumage. Their necks are a bit longer, and their bodies are lithe and muscular. They have yellow eyes and beaks. A crest of feathers sits on top of their heads, and their tail feathers are nearly a foot in length. Phoenixes, of course, can light themselves on fire. Then, with their great wings, they cast that fire at their enemies. Though not immortal, they can live for hundreds of years.
I changed the description of the phoenixes a bit. I also added unique markings to them. I realized that if all the phoenixes looked the same, how do you tell characters apart? I got the idea from an episode of Crikey! It’s the Irwins. I don’t remember if it was manta rays or whale sharks, but they were talking about the animals having unique markings. So, I began to do that with the phoenixes. I also took out mentions of measurement for two reasons. One was that the animals wouldn’t use the same systems of measurement that the humans use. The other was that I wasn’t sure what system to use. I grew up and live in America, so I only know the imperial system. I decided to take precise measurements out to make the book more universal. You can imagine the characters using whatever system you want.
Landa doesn’t feel very proud as a phoenix right now.
Two years ago, she was practicing flying over the lake that lies below the caves. Landa liked letting her wings and feet skim the surface, sending cool water droplets spraying through her feathers. Most of the flock were out enjoying the nice spring weather as well.
Landa gazed at her reflection in the water, once again trying to light her feathers. She was the proper age to be able to start setting herself ablaze. She just needed to keep practicing. While she was admiring the small spark of flames in the tips of her feathers, everything went wrong.
A rogue gust of wind hit her, knocking her out of her glide. Now off course, she panicked and tried to roll back into the wind. However, any lift she had was gone, and she plunged into the lake. Phoenixes possess the ability to swim on the surface of the water and can use their wings to propel themselves upwards if they fall in, but diving into the cold mountain water unexpectedly wasn’t the most ideal situation.
When she hit the water, the impact drove the breath from her body and caused her to become severely disorientated. The icy water soaked through her feathers and bit at her skin. She wasn’t even sure which way was up. If her father had not been watching from a distance and come swooping in to pull her from the water, she might have drowned that day.
Honestly, sometimes I wish I had, Landa thinks miserably.
I wanted Landa’s story to be more lighthearted than Aria’s. It was always supposed to be a side story about self-worth to run alongside the main narrative. The dips into depression or almost suicidal ideation were removed to keep the storylines different.
[removed a couple of paragraphs]
Sure, falling into the lake is a mistake any phoenix could make, but it had been an embarrassing one witnessed by most of the flock. Landaro once killed an evil sorcerer who had been spreading chaos and terror. He became famous for that kill while simultaneously exacting vengeance for a phoenix who the mage had shot down to steal her magic. Landaro had only been a young leader at the time, so he earned a great deal of respect from the whole flock. Yana is a beautiful and accomplished phoenix herself.
I went back and forth between sorcerer and mage. I realized later that I needed to pick one name and stick with it.
Then, that leaves Landa.
When the other phoenixes realized she couldn’t set herself on fire, she began receiving strange looks from the others. Landa will hear whispering with her name mentioned that will stop as soon as she appears around the corner. Some of her friends no longer even want to associate themselves with her.
“Sorry, we only talk to real phoenixes,” they say smugly.
They just don’t know what to view her as now that she has no fire. They don’t see her as a true phoenix anymore. No phoenix in history has ever lost their fire. Although her kind may be honorable and wise, that doesn’t mean all of them are nice.
I realized that these passages are too mean. I set up the phoenixes to be the wise diplomats. Not all of them are perfect, but what I said here puts a big stain on their purpose. And if you notice, I also changed the lore in E2.
Landa is so desperate to prove she can be a worthy leader to the flock that she tries to push herself to be the best at everything she can. Nothing short of perfection is acceptable. Along the way, a piece of her was lost in the process.
She now only sees herself for her flaws. Landa yearns for the approval she doesn’t know how to win from the others and pursues high expectations she doesn’t know how to achieve. The young phoenix no longer believes in herself that she can do anything right.
[removed Yana and Landa talking]
The biggest difference in this chapter between in E1 and E2 was that I added more content in E2 than what was originally here.
Copyright © 2018 Lindsay McCafferty